"Bye-Bye, Home"

We left the hospital last night after Amanda's dinner had settled, her transfusion was complete and she had one more dose of anti-nausea meds to tide her over. We kept telling her we were going bye-bye and we were headed home after our week long stay. Today in the driveway she looked at the Envoy, went up to it, patted the door with her hand and said, "Bye-Bye, Home!". I guess she remembers more than we giver her credit for.
She is tired and still a bit shaky. Her confidence is low. She was sticking to me pretty close today. She asked for "Elmo on?" over and over. I had to explain that while we were in the hospital and had to lay quietly most of the time she could watch all the Elmo she wanted, but now that we were home with different toys and books and better things to do we are not going to watch Elmo from sun up to sun down. She broke down in tears. Really cried. I think she was letting out more than just the loss of her continuous loop of Elmo. Poor thing has been through a lot in the last week and really doesn't understand what is happening or why.
So, according to the schedule the discharge nurse provided she has only outpatient things scheduled for the next three weeks! We go in for labs on Monday morning, then Thursday and again next week Thursday she will have outpatient chemo at the Day Clinic. The following week she has chemo every day but all at the Day Clinic so we can all sleep in our own beds at night. Yay!
Tomorrow will be my biggest challenge yet. I have to give her an injection of medication to help keep her white blood cells up (and therefore her immune system). I was able to practice once on a nurse at the hospital but that is SO different from a toddler who will cry and hold a grudge, even a short one.
I am exhausted. The days at the hospital were long but we kept busy enough with doctors coming and going and meal trays and naps (hers) and reading all the new information they gave me and really no expectations. Here at home we have to clean and take the dog out and keep Manda occupied with things other than the TV. I am worn out! Thank goodness it is a long weekend. Happy Fourth of July!